Author: George Vander Swag
UR soccer team now has 5 members–This year he placed 5th, proving a talent rarely seen in his chosen field. More wins may seem like a good thing, but five wins in a season threatens to undermine UR's historic losing tradition and tarnish George Eastman's legacy like no other. It turns out.
“Obviously it feels good to win,” head coach Chad Martinovich said. “But you'll feel better knowing that we're honoring our ancestors.”
Midway through the season, our esteemed Yellow Jackets achieved a record five–2 with 3 games left.
“The next day at the team meeting, we really thought about our record for the first time,” senior Mike Bahr said. “Once this was brought to our attention, we all knew we had to do our part to preserve the university's traditions.”
And somehow they got it done and got 0–He finished the season with a spectacular showing of dropped passes and missed opportunities.
“I'm really proud of what they accomplished there, and I know everyone else is too,” Martinovic said.
While we applaud that sentiment, the team's record prior to the hasty course correction is a worrying sign for years to come. If their carelessness led to a winning record next year, it would be a humiliation UR hasn't suffered since 1953.
When asked about these concerns, teams were told that the current underclassmen would be forced to compete in Kahoot over and over again about what to do if they won in the future, with the overall loser being unceremoniously thrown into the river. made us feel safe.
“We take our team's traditions very seriously,” Bahr added.
Only time will tell the fate of our beloved soccer team, but for now at least, we'll have to be content with the promise of future decline.
Vanderswag will be playing in his first football game next season.
