The shooting began during a Jason Aldean concert. It was his third and final night at the festival, October 1, 2017. If I could go back and do the whole weekend over again and just change the ending, I absolutely would.
Until the Route 91 Harvest Music Festival, I had never been to an outdoor festival. With headliners including Jason Aldean (my favorite), I immediately knew there was no better place than Las Vegas for a first-of-its-kind event like this. We could drink, gamble, play pool, and listen to music. It's my kind of party!
I was with my best friend of 40 years, Joe, since we were kids. We were having a great time until the crackling started on Sunday. At first it sounded like firecrackers, but then the musicians threw down their instruments and started running, followed by the entire audience. Everything happened so quickly. Joe and I got separated in the confusion. Then I felt a shot. Like a hot knife cutting through butter. I had two holes in my right foot. One is the side where the bullet came in, and the other is the front where the bullet left.
When I called my mother, the bullets were still coming towards us. She heard it all over the phone. She said, “I'm coming home now!” “Mom, I can't promise you that,” she remembers her response. She didn't know what was going on, but she asked her son to tell her he loved her if she couldn't get home.
I ran the distance of two football fields from where I was shot to where emergency medical services were located. The pain started the moment I got there, dulled by all I had to drink that day, but still there. I couldn't stand upright anymore. From there he was taken to the hospital.
Joe walked about 40 minutes to where I was taken. It's the kind of friend everyone should have. I don't think he really understands how important it was for him to be there. He is the one who understands the magnitude of the event because he has someone close to him who has experienced the same event.
Days after the shooting, we learned that 58 people were unable to leave the festival. I wondered why I was still alive and how I was able to get out of there. I drowned these questions out with alcohol. For too long, I existed for others, but not for myself. The survivor's guilt people talked about was unrealistic. I wasn't going anywhere, and I wasn't going anywhere fast.
Prolonged healing of the gunshot wound did not improve his condition. Doctors said it would be about three months before he could start walking again. I have always been an independent person, so it was very frustrating to feel helpless. When I went to a Detroit Red Wings game, my brother pushed me in a wheelchair. I appreciated his support, but I hated it. So about a month later, as I was sitting in bed fed up, I decided that enough was enough. I had things to do and I needed to get back to work.
At that time, I was a stubborn person and refused physical therapy, confident that I could cope on my own. It was enough because I needed to use crutches and needed someone to take me to places. The wound became infected. At one point I was worried they would have to amputate my leg. There was little optimism left in me. In the end, it took nearly five months for my leg to heal.
Looking back, if there's anything I did right during my healing process, it was finding a therapist. Mainly because I promised some people I would tell someone. And I actually went to therapy and we had conversations, but I didn't really listen to him at first. I started the first session by saying I don't need drugs to get through this. Little did I know that I was already self-medicating myself towards oblivion with alcohol. I was already on a downward trajectory and didn't realize it.
By the beginning of December 2018, I told some friends that I might need to cut down on my drinking. I didn't have a plan or a date in mind, but I just knew it didn't feel right. At the time, I weighed nearly 240 pounds, which didn't suit my 5-foot-7 frame. Then, on December 23 of the same year, I was arrested for drunk driving. It felt like the universe had created a plan for me and made sure I followed it faithfully. I went to an AA meeting at the recommendation of my lawyer, and as I sat there listening to others talk, I realized I needed to get things under control. I have stopped drinking since January 1, 2019.
In August 2021, I was at a party in a friend's backyard and one of them was talking about marathons. I immediately said I couldn't do that because my leg still hurt. One of my friends tested me by grabbing my calf and placing his thumb where the accidental bullet wound had been. It hurt physically, but more than that, that moment stuck in my mind. There was a man in his 60s running a marathon, and I was making excuses without even trying. Almost four years after the shooting, I was still throwing myself a pity party. Something needed to change. So I went for a run to see if I could bear the pain. And surprisingly, it wasn't that bad.
To keep up with myself, I signed up for the virtual He Is Risen Half Marathon in April 2022 in Florida. He wasn't pretty, but he was able to finish. Bad decision. Wrong shoes. Lack of proper training. But it didn't matter. More importantly, it was quite amazing that my body could do it.
I wanted to see what more I could do with my feet. Thinking back to that night in my friend's backyard, I decided to complete the 46.2 miles. I trained and prepared to run the 2023 Detroit Marathon. To be honest, the last few miles were a struggle, but the moment I crossed the finish line, this surge of emotions overcame everything. When he found out what I went through six years ago, that moment was truly humbling. My goal was just to finish it, to accomplish something I wasn't sure I could do. And here I stood against evil and proved that it cannot rule my life.
After running the distance of a full marathon, I still don’t know if I can say that. Love Run because sometimes it's hard. But I love what it brings me. It's the mental clarity I get while on the run, how far I can push my body, and how it helps me deal with the evil that has taken over my life.
So I keep running. Sometimes it can be difficult to tolerate the level of pain that results from scar tissue on your legs. But I know that if I worry about things that I can't control, I won't be able to take those actions. And ultimately, the benefits outweigh the pain. Running helps you clear your mind from everything that goes on every day. It can be a pretty intense therapy session.
Once I calmed down, some of the things my therapist said finally started to make sense. He told me that I needed to find something within myself to forgive the man who shot me. In the haze of alcohol, I thought he might be crazy. But once I calmed down, it clicked. He was right! I had to forgive him. Not for him, but for myself. Since then, I've seen Jason Aldean in concert several times. If you start avoiding crowded places, evil will win. That weekend, there were 58 people in Las Vegas who could no longer dance, and that night their dancing stopped. In a way, it's the ability to respect them and do things they can't do anymore.
Today, I look at what happened to me and understand that I am here because I can influence others. Like it or not, there's a reason I've been blessed with so many different tools. There's something I'd like to talk about. And maybe my story will inspire others to overcome a little pain and find a life in running.
Pavlina Cerna is an RRCA certified running coach and cycling enthusiast. Runner's World, bicycleand popular mechanisms Initially joined as newsletter editor in August 2021. When she's not editing, she writes. When she's not writing, she's reading and translating. When she's out and about, she can be found running outside, roller skating, or riding to the beats of the many audiobooks on TBL Her List.