I was the best man at my friend Mark's wedding last year. That gave him the chance to tell the story of how he was stopped by security at Manchester Airport in 2018 when he tried to take his newly purchased 150ml bottle of aftershave onto a plane.
His response was to apply 50 ml to his body as soon as possible. As he learned, it was an insignificant amount.
I looked into the downcast eyes of several Chelsea supporters on Sunday and they didn't look as sad, bewildered and devastated as Mark did six years ago. Indeed, he smelled really good too, and as we hugged at the final whistle at Wembley, I was sure I could smell the lingering scent of Diesel Only the Brave.
Mark has always liked nice things so he was very excited when we told him we had been offered two tickets to the Carabao Cup final at Club Wembley.
myself? I was anxious. I had never experienced corporate hospitality before. That's not my thing, as all the people who have been happy to tell me I was “sold” can attest to that.
And Club Wembley is more than just luxury seating. It's probably the most derided executive section of any stadium in the country, especially right after half-time of a big game when the crowd is busy drinking champagne and it's less than half empty.
But after Paris' near-disaster in the 2022 Champions League final, when supporters were treated like contestants in a squid game, drinks, food and safe transfer to comfortable seats were included. The idea of a free pass was ultimately irresistible.
There was also the added bonus of actually being able to watch the finals next to someone I've known since 1995. As he likes to say, that's as long as Everton's wait for a trophy.
That being said, there was good news and bad news, at least for Mark, when the tickets arrived in the mail last Wednesday.
Something good? It's an invitation to the Laurent Perrier bar and a chance to consume as much of the sponsor's products as you like.
bad person? For Mark, who has been a certified gourmet since he was a child, it would be a menu consisting almost entirely of fish.
Anyway, forget about the shrimp sandwich. This was serious. To start, we had a smoked salmon and shrimp tartlet, a smoked salmon bagel with tartare and chives. Next came the seafood platter, which included more “classic” smoked salmon, river prawns, crawfish and mango salad with lemon.
Not your standard football fare at all… (Simon Hughes/The Athletic)
Everything was delicious, but my personal joy was even greater when I saw Mark concentrating on the bread in front of me, furiously spreading butter on it, and looking a little sad as he said, “Please wait a little longer.” Increased.
I have to stress that you can't blame Club Wembley for being so picky about marking. Guests at other tables were enjoying menus that included meat, and the staff could not have been more helpful throughout the day. Still, I suspect Mark felt it wasn't his place to ask about alternatives while I felt quite content to watch him struggle. .
But he was enjoying the champagne. We both were. And slowly, I almost forgot that an important football game was scheduled to start right outside.
There is only one rule for this part of the stadium, which includes a dress code that strictly prohibits club colors. For Liverpool fans, especially local fans, this was an easy directive to follow, given their culture of ignoring replica shirts and almost all official merchandise. I saw a lot of faces in the concourse and everyone seemed to be having fun.
Simon (left) and Mark remain tied up (Simon Hughes/The Athletic)
Things would take a turn for Mark when comedian and Chelsea fan David Baddiel came into the ground just before kick-off and sat next to him.
“May the worst team lose,” a rueful Baddiel told Mark, admitting that Chelsea definitely fit that description. From then on, Mark began to think he was Frank Skinner, and the two began talking like old friends.
It was at this point that I realized for the first time how big Club Wembley was. The area expanded towards both ends of the stadium and occupied the middle level. Each seat has a red cushion and fixed armrests. There's also plenty of leg space. I can't think of a soccer field where I feel so safe.
Maybe I'm feeling too secure. Confession: After halftime, I was one of “those guys” who was late to get back into the game. My excuse: Well, we also need to consider soundproofing inside Club Wembley. This is so effective that a few feet away he doesn't realize there's a prime spot for 90,000 people.
View from your seat (Simon Hughes/The Athletic)
Granted, you can't drink just half a bottle of champagne. Liverpool could have scored twice in this period and had they achieved that, the lesson would have been a given. In the end, we waited until the 118th minute for the first goal and it was Liverpool's winner.
I thought the day couldn't get any better, but I was wrong. Champagne When he returned to the bar, more champagne was waiting for him. It came with 3 types of cheese (blue, cheddar and brie), dry hemp fruit (apricot), chutney and crackers.
Once again, it was wonderful. However, when the team wins, and wins like this, everything in life tastes bloody great.
(Top photo: Simon Hughes/The Athletic)
